Some self indulgence

Should I really know what I want to do with my life at the age of 22? I ask myself every day. Right now I'm just happy to be making enough money to pay my rent and electric, eat, and buy a case of beer. I have lived about a quarter of my life so far (a little less). And about three quarters of that time has been spent in a learning institution. This is the first fall that I have not been in school. I don't exactly like it, but I'm happy to have a little time off. In fact, I really don't want to have anything to do with academics right now. I don't want to take a standardized test. I don't want to write an essay about my dreams and aspirations. I don't want to tell you what I did on my summer vacation.

This is all about applying to a graduate program for next fall. I have been feeling unsure of myself recently (it's been about 5 months since I've studied for anything), and that has led to my delaying applications and testing. I just don't know if I have what it takes... I mean I know that I do. But I'm afraid. I don't want to make any major choices if I'm not sure.

"Where did this all come from?" you may be wondering. Well in a word: MOM. My mom knows I don't want to be a failure. She knows that I am trying to figure out my path, but for whatever reason she keeps pushing certain sensitive issues. Tonight she just made me second guess myself. And then third guess if that's possible.

So at the end of the day, I'm left confused.

And hungry. And sick. But I'm about to eat some enchiladas so it's good. And hopefully my recent malady (chest cold, what's new?) will find it's way out overnight.