Today is...

My birthday. Well not officially. I will be 22 around 12:29pm later this afternoon. But I'm sure my mom was anxiously awaiting my presence at this time, and I was anxiously waiting to break free. Not much has changed.

Well I contemplated my last entry. I have come to realize a few more regrets that have been weighing heavy on my heart, although I'd rather not admit them. This week (maybe month or hour) I have come to terms with some serious regrets that could be filed under "friendship" and hope that I can mend or overcome. I'm not hopeful, but honest.

So on this night of my birth, I enjoyed drinks with some really great friends. I went to a strange house party with interesting characters (and stories to tell selected confidants), drank cheap ass beer, and relived moments with fabulous friends. My night took me from North Philly, to South Philly, to Fairmount Park, back to South Philly, only to rest my weary bones on North 5th Street where I am finally able to think about the 21st year of my life.

Every year I ask myself if I'm everything I hoped I'd be at this time last year. I've concluded upon assessment that I've fallen short in some areas, but exceeded any hopes in others. I think I've finally found my calling. I've become much more honest and free-spirited. I know what scraping the bottom of the barrel (financially and emotionally) really means. I think I can be somewhat proud of this last year. I only hope that I can can do better during my 22nd.

Tomorrow (today?) is probably going to be rainy (it's raining as we speak). My plan is to sleep in, get ready, go to dinner, and then eventually wind up at Dirty Frank's for $5 pitchers of Lager. If you read this and you like me then you should join me. Wish me a happy birthday.

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So I promised mini pony pictures. I'm sorry that I can't deliver right now. They're on my mom's camera and will probably make it to my laptop this weekend. But I can say this: Buckwheat (the mini horse) is fresh and likes when Travis chases him around the corral, and the fancy baby horse (whose name escapes me) gave me love and then stepped on my toe. All in the name of good horse lovin'.

My parents are taking me to dinner in Atlantic City on Saturday night for my birthday. Not exactly what I would've picked, but it's always fun. Maybe I will slip my silver quarter dollar into a slot machine. I am hoping for a million, but expecting -25 cents. I think I deserve at least $100. It would be nice.

There's probably more to say, but I'll post it later with birthday pictures and rambles (brambles?).

We regret to inform you...

So lately I've been thinking about regrets. Not my own, really, but more like people's views on regret. It's such a strange thing. I'm sure you could survey 50 people under 50, and most of them would claim they have no regrets. What's the point of regret, anyway, when you can't do much about it? But really, if you have the ability to be honest with yourself you will probably realize how many things you actually do regret. Recently I have regretted not applying to the PhD program I was eying up for a few months. At least then I would feel more secure about the next 12 months. But what can I do now? So why regret it? We must experience regret for a reason, however. Maybe to keep us from making such mistakes in the future. I sure do regret not holding my tongue during a sensitive family crisis, and now I've learned. I also regret missed connections through out my life. We have all been there. That moment of direct eye contact made with a stranger but never pursued. The person you liked at worked but never hung out with. Maybe even a relative that you would have liked to know better before they left your life (for whatever reason). But my regrets have afforded me with the ability to not let these opportunities drift away. So when I think of all my regrets I am reminded how important it is to live in the now, and do what is going to make me happy (no matter how silly I look or feel).

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The past few weeks have just been a blur of work, sleep, and car rides. I'm still waiting to hear about the research jobs. I've been told multiple times from different people that it often takes a month for things to go through. I'm thinking about applying at another university just in case. I need something before the scary thought of a second part-time job becomes an even scarier reality!

I formally (kind of) announced to my families that I am not going to be pressured into medical school and am going to apply to Biochemistry/Molecular Biology PhD programs for the fall. The slight disappointment in my Mom's voice when she realized I was serious was rather rewarding. She'll be happy for me one day, I'm sure. Travis's dad was already telling me which people to avoid at my two top school choices.

I wanted to post some of my Independence Day pictures. Travis and I were feeling rather independent that day and decided to stay home. He ran up to Stone's on Fairmount to pick up some beers. I made a blueberry cobbler. Jimmy came over and I made a really good dinner (recipe can be found here). The neighbors were setting off fireworks in the baseball field, so Travis and Jimmy coaxed me up onto the roof. We realized that we could probably see the fireworks being set off at the Art Museum, so waited around in the drizzling rain until they decided to set them off. Unfortunately a house was in the way and we could only see the top of each firework, so crawled back in through the bathroom window. But we did get to see the displays of all the North Philadelphia neighborhoods.






I sort of wish I would have headed over to my boss's house as there was an inappropriate guest and I wanted to witness it. It just always happens that I feel crappy on the 4th, so staying home was probably the best idea.

This weekend I'm heading to my parents' house. I plan on eating their food, drinking their wine, playing with puppies, and visiting a mini horse. You can bet your sweet bippy there will be some cute horse pictures! Enjoy your weekend (without regret).