Oh My.

So you may notice by now the inconsistency of my nature. With all endeavors I take on there is this pattern I seem to follow: start strong and then kind of crap out. I've always known this about myself. In school I would start every semester saying, "I am going to re-read my notes every night, keep my papers organized, and finish every long-term assignment at least a week before it is due." Things would go this way for about 2 weeks, and then I would revert to my old ways. I guess it's a lack of discipline. But really, this is the story of my life.

I had a different blog a long time ago. I wrote in it pretty sporadically, so I decided to end it. I started this blog last winter because I felt like I would post regularly. I was busy, but felt compelled to document my experiences. It was (and still is) a very transitional time in my life.

So why has it been so difficult for me to keep up with my blog in the past few months? I am done school, I am not studying for anything (yet), and I don't bring my work home with me. I can't really answer that, but I have decided to make a concerted effort to post weekly. The end.

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I started my second part-time job this month. It is in the emergency room of a South Jersey hospital. So far I really like it and pretty much wish it was a full-time job. I am responsible for registering patients, getting their demographic and insurance info, and getting them to sign some legal documents. It doesn't sound like a very exciting job, but it actually is. I get to see how the ER works and improve my patient care skills. Travis kind of teased me because I seem to have this affliction where the craziest person in the room will tell me their life story, and I will kindly listen to them no matter how much I wish I could blow them off and run away. It doesn't matter where I go. It's pretty much guaranteed that a crazy person, clueless person, old person, or all of the above will single me out. So you can only imagine what I hear on a daily basis in the hospital.

I am still working my retail job, but hoping to hear about a more full-time Monday-Friday 9-5 type of job. I have my resume out there and hoping for a nibble. Why is it so hard to find a job? I guess a lot of us are in the same boat. I am about ready to jump overboard.

One (positive?) development that has occurred over the past few weeks is my decision to re-apply to medical school. After I had that conversation with my mom I realized there must be a reason why I was so upset. No one can make you feel anything unless you believe what they're saying. My mom has called me a lot of things, but when she said I was a disappointment I really felt like I was. I disappointed (some of) my family, friends, mentors, and mostly myself. I didn't want to take my MCATs again this summer because I really couldn't deal with more disappointment. But once I realized that there was no rush and that I could take a few months to study and prepare, I probably wouldn't be disappointed. So beginning November 1st I will begin studying for the MCAT I intend to take in March. So yeah, I wouldn't be starting med school until 2010, but at least I would feel like I wasn't rushed and that I was pursuing my dream.

Wouldn't it be nice to clearly see the path you're meant to take? I've felt so many different things in the past 6 months, and hopefully this decision will be the right one.