Oh My.

So you may notice by now the inconsistency of my nature. With all endeavors I take on there is this pattern I seem to follow: start strong and then kind of crap out. I've always known this about myself. In school I would start every semester saying, "I am going to re-read my notes every night, keep my papers organized, and finish every long-term assignment at least a week before it is due." Things would go this way for about 2 weeks, and then I would revert to my old ways. I guess it's a lack of discipline. But really, this is the story of my life.

I had a different blog a long time ago. I wrote in it pretty sporadically, so I decided to end it. I started this blog last winter because I felt like I would post regularly. I was busy, but felt compelled to document my experiences. It was (and still is) a very transitional time in my life.

So why has it been so difficult for me to keep up with my blog in the past few months? I am done school, I am not studying for anything (yet), and I don't bring my work home with me. I can't really answer that, but I have decided to make a concerted effort to post weekly. The end.

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I started my second part-time job this month. It is in the emergency room of a South Jersey hospital. So far I really like it and pretty much wish it was a full-time job. I am responsible for registering patients, getting their demographic and insurance info, and getting them to sign some legal documents. It doesn't sound like a very exciting job, but it actually is. I get to see how the ER works and improve my patient care skills. Travis kind of teased me because I seem to have this affliction where the craziest person in the room will tell me their life story, and I will kindly listen to them no matter how much I wish I could blow them off and run away. It doesn't matter where I go. It's pretty much guaranteed that a crazy person, clueless person, old person, or all of the above will single me out. So you can only imagine what I hear on a daily basis in the hospital.

I am still working my retail job, but hoping to hear about a more full-time Monday-Friday 9-5 type of job. I have my resume out there and hoping for a nibble. Why is it so hard to find a job? I guess a lot of us are in the same boat. I am about ready to jump overboard.

One (positive?) development that has occurred over the past few weeks is my decision to re-apply to medical school. After I had that conversation with my mom I realized there must be a reason why I was so upset. No one can make you feel anything unless you believe what they're saying. My mom has called me a lot of things, but when she said I was a disappointment I really felt like I was. I disappointed (some of) my family, friends, mentors, and mostly myself. I didn't want to take my MCATs again this summer because I really couldn't deal with more disappointment. But once I realized that there was no rush and that I could take a few months to study and prepare, I probably wouldn't be disappointed. So beginning November 1st I will begin studying for the MCAT I intend to take in March. So yeah, I wouldn't be starting med school until 2010, but at least I would feel like I wasn't rushed and that I was pursuing my dream.

Wouldn't it be nice to clearly see the path you're meant to take? I've felt so many different things in the past 6 months, and hopefully this decision will be the right one.

Dear Diary,

Tonight Travis invented a new word. Quaple.

The end.

xoxo,

Colleen

Some self indulgence

Should I really know what I want to do with my life at the age of 22? I ask myself every day. Right now I'm just happy to be making enough money to pay my rent and electric, eat, and buy a case of beer. I have lived about a quarter of my life so far (a little less). And about three quarters of that time has been spent in a learning institution. This is the first fall that I have not been in school. I don't exactly like it, but I'm happy to have a little time off. In fact, I really don't want to have anything to do with academics right now. I don't want to take a standardized test. I don't want to write an essay about my dreams and aspirations. I don't want to tell you what I did on my summer vacation.

This is all about applying to a graduate program for next fall. I have been feeling unsure of myself recently (it's been about 5 months since I've studied for anything), and that has led to my delaying applications and testing. I just don't know if I have what it takes... I mean I know that I do. But I'm afraid. I don't want to make any major choices if I'm not sure.

"Where did this all come from?" you may be wondering. Well in a word: MOM. My mom knows I don't want to be a failure. She knows that I am trying to figure out my path, but for whatever reason she keeps pushing certain sensitive issues. Tonight she just made me second guess myself. And then third guess if that's possible.

So at the end of the day, I'm left confused.

And hungry. And sick. But I'm about to eat some enchiladas so it's good. And hopefully my recent malady (chest cold, what's new?) will find it's way out overnight. 

Chchchchchchanges

The past seven days have been pretty hectic. I finally got some more hours at work (yay!), found a second job (extra yay!), revisited a friendship, celebrated a relationship milestone, saw one of my favorite performers, and enjoyed some quality time with my fav girl.

If you've been following my life since May, you would know that I've been on the prowl for a full-time job. Coming to terms with the fact that my bachelor's degree means basically nothing in the real world has been pretty difficult. No one is hiring full-time, or if they are you need about 20 different certifications and years of experience. So I followed some leads of possible well paying part-time work, and found myself in a hospital in Jersey talking to a nice HR woman. She found me a job with steady, although slightly inconvenient, hours. Come October I will be one of the many Americans with a second job. It's only temporary, right?

So Wednesday was probably my favorite day (Thursday was a close second). It was my day off, and I had originally planned on spending it riding my bike, drinking beers, and seeing Why? and Mount Eerie. But it wound up being taken up by a job interview (nice, but not the same type of fun a beer filled bike ride brings), naps, and an unexpected text message from a friend. I groggily smeared on some eyeliner, searched for my wallet, and sped off to the Pour House in East Falls to meet her for a beer. It was nice catching up, and I'm happy to know she's still the same and pretty good.

After a questionable drive along the river, I found myself around Rittenhouse. Since I've lived in Philly I've only missed one Why? show. And that was because of a car accident that landed me in the emergency room for about 8 hours. I've missed every other Mount Eerie show, so I knew the show would be a treat. I was not disappointed.

There are some bands you just need to see live to truly appreciate their talent. Sometimes because they are such a spectacle, sometimes because their ability to play ensemble is mesmerizing, and sometimes because the attention you must give to a live show helps bring out subleties you might normally miss. I admit that most of the times I've listened to Mount Eerie I've been driving. My attention fades in and out with the flow of traffic. I already knew I liked the sounds, but watching and really listening to Phil Elverum was a lovely experience. The music is simple. The words are simple. But everything is true and beautiful. I was finally able to really appreciate what he does.

And Why? was wonderful, of course. I did really want to hear some older stuff ("Just one from Hymie's Basement. Even Early Whitney. Please?") but it was fun to listen to songs from their new album. I had been listening to Alopecia pretty steadily, so I was ready to sing along. You can't stay quiet in my opinion. I did feel old (what, old at 22?) because most of the kids there were around 16. I saw smiling faces full of braces. This was strange. I felt better once Cassie got there and we looked at some Biochemistry slides. No matter how many times I see Why?, I always feel pretty sad when it's over. I'm still a little sad. Oh yeah and Travis forgot the camera so I had to use my phone and I didn't really feel happy about that thankyouverymuch.




So without making this post too long (probably at that point by now...) Let's move on to Thursday. Ah September 18th. Four years ago that day I think that Travis and I had a moment. We were seeing Mono play at the Church (Fly Pan Am got sick and canceled) and half way through their set our eyes met. We had gone to the show together, but only as friends. There was this hot energy in the air and I guess we just realized that there was something between us. I think it took a while until our relationship was verbally official, but we consider that to be our anniversary day. It's all arbitrary anyway. Pick a day and that's it, right? So for our anniversary Travis and I decided to go to the Ritz for a movie. We went to see Burn After Reading, but were enticed by free tickets to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It looked cute, it was free, and we could still get our parking validated. Sweet. The movie was alright. I think we missed like 30 minutes of it, but it wasn't hard to catch up. Maybe we'll see the other movie next week, as that's what we really wanted to do.

After the movie I was pretty starving, so Travis decided he'd treat me to tapas at Bar Ferdinand. I (eventually) happily agreed. I realized that they have decently priced delicious beers. Their food is also fabulous. We ate some meat from a Spanish pig that had only been fed acorns. YAY! I am all about feeding pigs acorns. I bet that pig was really happy to eat those acorns. And I was really happy to eat that pig.

Friday=boring. Saturday was really fun. I worked all day and then went to my co-worker and friend Kim's house for a lovely dinner of fabulous cheese, beers, goat cheese and roasted red pepper lasagna, finished with some wonderful homemade cream puffs! And she claims she doesn't cook! After dinner I ran to meet some of my family for dessert. It was my Grandmom's birthday and my parents took her and my Aunt Kathy out for dinner in Old City. We met up and when to Bon Bon Artisan Gelato for coffee and dessert. After some quality family time Travis and I ran off to Sugar Mom's where we met up with my most favorite girl Netty. Got one $1 PBR just as the special was ending, bonded with my girl, and then met up with Kim and two of our other friends from work. As usual Travis was surrounded by ladies. Luckily he enjoyed their company (honestly, who wouldn't?!) And he did have a fun time drawing a lovely replica of a PBR can on the graffiti table.


The night ended around 2:45am with Travis sans one ear gauge (if you are at Sugar Mom's and randomly find a silver double flared 0-gauge tunnel please hand it over and you will receive a prize!) and me with acid reflux. Not to mention delirious from beer and a seemingly long bike ride into North Philly.

Sunday was pretty restful. Sleep, meatball sub, car ride to Wilmington, nap, a yummy Bobby (otherwise known as Thanksgiving on a roll), and a family get together. It was Travis's brother-in-law's birthday so we went to say hi and celebrate. It was nice and chill and it's always nice to see everyone.

Now for another week of work and hopefully happy hours.

A little R and R

Although I've been back for a little over a week, it's time to do the vacation post!

The weekend before there was much planning. Who was making what on which night, what supplies would be needed, what type of beer would be most appreciated. All crucial things. On Sunday Travis and I decided to stop by Whole Foods to pick out some cheeses for our wine and cheese night. Honestly, I was most excited about this aspect of the trip. I have a serious weakness for a delicious cheese and a properly paired wine. After about an hour of sniffing and thinking, we decided on three: Roncal, a generic peppered goat cheese (also Spanish), and some other Spanish goat cheese whose name totally escapes me (although its floral and earthy flavors do not).

After making the wine selections (Tempra Tantrum, a Tempranillo/Shiraz blend and a Sauvingnon Blanc from Dyed in the Wool), Travis and I began our trek to Lake Raystown Resort. We left an hour or two later than we wanted, but felt optimistic about the drive. I couldn't really remember the last time I drove more than 1.5 hours, which is the exact amount of time it takes me to get to my parents' house. Well, I can. It was the 8 or 9 hour drive we made to North Carolina in the summer of '05. But if you know me then you should know that I hate the car, especially when I am in it upwards of 2 hours. But I just let the image of cheese and wine and a lake take over, and suddenly the 3.5 hour drive to middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania did not seem so bad. Oh yes and not to mention the good times that were about to be had. That helped too.





I remembered the route, as I had traveled it with my family about 10 years ago. My cousins live in Roaring Spring, PA which is about 10 minutes from the lake. Not much really stood out to me about the drive, aside from DRIVING THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS! Well, maybe that's how enthusiastic I had been at the age of 12. I was still (somewhat secretly) excited about that part of the drive. I have a quiet obsession with mountains. When I see one, I just feel at home. I think I'll probably end up on a mountain top. As much as I love shopping and dining and civilization, I might just run away one day.

After getting lost once (the signs are very small in this neck of the woods), getting directions, and another 20 minutes of winding roads we found ourselves at the lake. It was a relief to be out of the car, and to see our lovely accommodations. Travis's parents had rented out 3 villas, which were located right on the lake. We were staying with Travis's oldest brother, his wife, and their 3 kids. As long as I had my own room I didn't care. This wasn't really the sleeping in type of vacation. Every morning at 6:30 Enno would wake up the die hard water skiers. This did not include me, and I would sleep to about 9:00. Just enough time to feel rested, and everyone would just be getting back from the morning run.

This was my first lake vacation, but I had been told many times about the schedule. There was always a morning run. Scott would like to go out around 7:30, but Enno would insist on 6:30. It was a constant struggle. But either way there was a run too early for my liking. This is the best time for water skiing, though. There really isn't anyone else on the lake, so the water is like glass. After the morning run everyone would have breakfast together. There'd be some time for resting and then probably another run. By now, though, the lake would be pretty choppy from the tubers and people on wave runners. I liked going out then because no one would expect me to ski and I could just enjoy the scenery.

Or go tubing. As you can see in the photo above. That was after a long night of drinking and an even longer morning of headaches and uncertainty. I must admit that tubing didn't do much for the headache. Luckily it was later cured by a hot dog, ibuprofen, and a nap.

So there were many water skiing runs made each day. I just liked to go along for the ride. Everyone had a really lovely time. There wasn't really any drama. Nothing that I would give a second thought to, anyhow. It was really nice to see everyone together and having fun. Oh and we jumped off a cliff. Travis said it was a little cliff, but I thought it was a big deal. I have vertigo so being up there was pretty intense. You can watch Travis's brothers jump if you'd like. They're in the red shorts. I was already in the water, and Travis was tossing me my sunglasses.


On the last day Travis was pretty sad to go home. Neither of us had received any job offer calls, and we really didn't want to make the long drive to our empty apartment. But before we left the lake, we took a drive over to the marina where the carp live. I'd never seen a carp before and Travis wanted to let me have that experience. The little shop at the marina was selling dog chow for $0.50 under the name of "Fish Food" so we bought some to really enrich my carp time. I never knew fish were so crazy. I touched one, although Travis told me not to. I just couldn't help it, but I sort of regretted it later. I learned that carp are slimy. I have a little video of their craziness on YouTube just in case you'd like to relive my first time with the carp.


All in all it was a really fun week. Travis and I both could've stayed two more days, but oh well. We did wind up driving down to the shore the next day for some quality time with my parents, and to go to my cousin's bbq. But no trip would be complete without some kind of ridiculous event. So we got a flat tire. No biggie. Travis had changed one on my car a few months ago and he was pretty fast. BUT Travis did not have a jack in his car. What?! How could this be?


Needless to say I was pretty furious. Well, my Dad pays for AAA for a reason. I call. And I get transferred about 5 times, wait on hold for a total of 45 minutes, and have a fight with a dispatcher. Their customer service was not at all what I expected. They wanted an exact address for my disabled car, but I was on a pretty desolate stretch of road. I didn't know what exact township I was in. Am I supposed to be psychic? If I was I wouldn't have to subscribe to their service because I could predict any future road hazards. Eventually a man came with a jack and put on the spare. Then we had a lovely drive going 55mph on a road where you would normally do at least 65. Travis liked waving people around, but I just wanted to get home.

When I did finally get home I chugged a Miller Lite and hopped in my mom's Beemer. Ahh the luxurious life.

Birthday Saga + My Mega Wish List

Things have been pretty good since my birthday. Well, except my birthday (at first). So I predicted stormy weather, and was greeted by the apocalypse. I called a friend who lives in Wilmington and she told me that she couldn't come up because the weather was a serious monsoon, but I foolishly laughed and said, "It's not even drizzling up here!" About 25 minutes later the rain started, then the thunder and lightning, and then the 1000 mph gusts that turned our umbrellas inside out, more thunder, followed by some lovely birthday hail, and topped off with a few buckets of water. I found myself soaked from head to toe in front of a mysteriously closed falafel restaurant. I decided to head into the Starbucks to meet up with my friend (and attempt to dry myself off) when I realized that my arms were stained bright blue. Oh yes, the cute little thrifted electric blue clutch I was carrying got wet and leaked its dye all over my torso. And a little on my face. The torture did not stop there. There were no paper towels in the bathroom, so I had to wring out my clothes and try to dry out a little under the hand dryer. Oh and it was too late to even think about buying some dry clothes, as all the shops in Center City close around 8. Oh and I left my cell phone in the bathroom. A nice man found it, called my dad, and then Travis went and got it. Happy Birthday to me.

I wound up hanging around Jimmy's apartment for a while (although his girl did not own a hair dryer, and that was my main goal in going to his place). Any restaurant that might be open after 9pm (and would accept sopping wet patrons) was closed due to "flash flooding," and I resorted to eating Sunshine Trail Mix for dinner. I did also go to Dirty Frank's and drank a large quantity of beer. I don't remember getting inebriated, but I did have fun.

So maybe I should get to the goodness of my life. I had a job interview last Thursday for a seriously real job. It might not be exactly what I was looking for, but I think that I could be happy there for the next year. The interview went insanely well, and I should hear within the next week if I got the job. It's actually an hour away from my apartment, but it would be worth it. Plus if I get it, I'm going to buy a new car and I think I'd like to be driving it a bit. I've also picked out the new couch I want. Not to mention my very large Google wish list. There are just so many things...

Travis also has a promising job lead. He had an interview on Tuesday and hopefully we'll hear about that by the beginning of next week. If we both had jobs... there would be so much new furniture... and probably a flat screen TV. And definitely a new car. Oh and the new iPhone. Oh and a vacation. We wouldn't be poor college students anymore!!!

Last Friday Travis had his birthday, and we went to see Ariel Pink at the M Room. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect of the bar as I heard mixed reviews. People said it was pretentious, but I just think those people are too self-conscious. I like $2 PBRs, fun friends, and crazy times. I'm glad I was drunk otherwise I would have been annoyed by the assault on my cutely sandaled feet. The next morning we went to Honey's Sit n Eat and had a delicious brunch. Love it. I think we'll go back tomorrow night for dinner.

Ariel and Jimmy

Next week is the lake trip. It will be me plus all of Travis's family plus Enno. It will be interesting. I'm bringing a lot of busy activites. They like to go water skiing, but I don't care for it. I have books, beads, guitars and keys, paints and pens, and magazines. I think that will be a few days worth of things to do! When I say there will be pictures, I actually mean it.

Today is...

My birthday. Well not officially. I will be 22 around 12:29pm later this afternoon. But I'm sure my mom was anxiously awaiting my presence at this time, and I was anxiously waiting to break free. Not much has changed.

Well I contemplated my last entry. I have come to realize a few more regrets that have been weighing heavy on my heart, although I'd rather not admit them. This week (maybe month or hour) I have come to terms with some serious regrets that could be filed under "friendship" and hope that I can mend or overcome. I'm not hopeful, but honest.

So on this night of my birth, I enjoyed drinks with some really great friends. I went to a strange house party with interesting characters (and stories to tell selected confidants), drank cheap ass beer, and relived moments with fabulous friends. My night took me from North Philly, to South Philly, to Fairmount Park, back to South Philly, only to rest my weary bones on North 5th Street where I am finally able to think about the 21st year of my life.

Every year I ask myself if I'm everything I hoped I'd be at this time last year. I've concluded upon assessment that I've fallen short in some areas, but exceeded any hopes in others. I think I've finally found my calling. I've become much more honest and free-spirited. I know what scraping the bottom of the barrel (financially and emotionally) really means. I think I can be somewhat proud of this last year. I only hope that I can can do better during my 22nd.

Tomorrow (today?) is probably going to be rainy (it's raining as we speak). My plan is to sleep in, get ready, go to dinner, and then eventually wind up at Dirty Frank's for $5 pitchers of Lager. If you read this and you like me then you should join me. Wish me a happy birthday.

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So I promised mini pony pictures. I'm sorry that I can't deliver right now. They're on my mom's camera and will probably make it to my laptop this weekend. But I can say this: Buckwheat (the mini horse) is fresh and likes when Travis chases him around the corral, and the fancy baby horse (whose name escapes me) gave me love and then stepped on my toe. All in the name of good horse lovin'.

My parents are taking me to dinner in Atlantic City on Saturday night for my birthday. Not exactly what I would've picked, but it's always fun. Maybe I will slip my silver quarter dollar into a slot machine. I am hoping for a million, but expecting -25 cents. I think I deserve at least $100. It would be nice.

There's probably more to say, but I'll post it later with birthday pictures and rambles (brambles?).